Starting Fresh!

I have just officially completed my application for Simple Surrogacy. It was very in depth, and had a lot of open ended questions, which I liked. When I answered my pre-screening questionnaire with Circle back in February, I didn't realize my responses to some of those questions would be used in the profile sent to potential IP's. So some of them I answered very simple and to the point without elaborating or putting any personality into the answer. This time, I knew better and answered each question assuming the IP's were going to read it.

The hardest part of the application was the "Letter to Intended Parents." I didn't do anything like that before, although I did receive a "Letter to Surrogate" when I got the profile for J&S. I have struggled with what to write for the last few days. I must have started typing and then deleted everything about 15 times. Finally, I wrote a short, silly one to take off some of the pressure before I wrote the long, serious one. I hope it was the right choice, but I decided to leave the short, silly one in there as well. Might as well throw it out there from the start that I have a sense of humor and need IP's with one too. :)

          Dear Intended Parents,

          1. Knock me up.
          2. I'll be awesome.
          3. Your kid will be adorable.
          4. My husband will get to tell his friends two men got his wife pregnant while he watched.

          The End.

See? Simple and to the point! Much easier to write than the long one.

So that's done, and now I wait to hear something, hopefully soon. Tomorrow I have a phone call scheduled with Dr. Lavy. I don't have much to say at this point, but I'm still curious (and nervous) to see what comes of this conversation.

I've also been in touch with Dr. Doyle at CT Fertility to get his thoughts on my journey so far. He said his initial gut feeling is that I would do better on more estrogen, maybe for a longer period of time, or even through a different method (patches, injections, etc.). We'll see where that road leads.

Many of you have asked what my relationship with J&S is now. Sadly, it appears to be over. I have not heard from them at all since last week. I had a small pile of gifts here for them and their son for our first meeting, things I put a lot of thought in to, but I never got a chance to meet them in person. I considered sending them everything anyway, but to be honest, I just don't really feel like it. I feel like I was treated like just a uterus instead of part of their team.

And uteruses (uterii?!) do not know how to ship things to Sweden.

This uterus has a more important job to get to!

Homework Break

I am still very hurt and frustrated by my IP's and their doctor being so quick to give up on me. I'm sure it will be something that never completely heals. I'd invested a lot of trust and love into a friendship with complete strangers in another country. I didn't realize awesome surrogates were so plentiful that you could dump one so soon into a journey when things weren't perfect. My heart is definitely aching. I was 100% committed and in this for the long haul, but they gave up on me without trying all we could. But I am not giving up on my dream of being a surrogate. Giving up on my dream would mean somewhere out there, a couple doesn't get the baby they so desperately long for. So I won't go down without a fight.

I'm pretty scrappy. It's a side effect of being short.

I have spent yesterday and today researching surrogacy agencies to find a new one. I love Circle but they are unable to rematch me thanks to the doctor. So I have to find a new one, and it's hard to even know where to start! I chose Circle because the only surrogate I actually know personally used them for both of her journeys. I never even looked at other agencies. So now here I am, relying on the advice of online surrogacy forums. I have been looking for positive and negative feedback, and I just found a forum thread where people were saying who they would NOT use for surrogacy. I was reading it very intently and making notes...so intently that I wrote down one person's warning of "Do not use Amy Poehler" before I realized it was a joke.

I think it's time for a homework break!

Shock.

My IF's just Skyped me to let me know that Dr. Lavy advised them to find another surrogate. He doesn't think I'd have a very good chance at a successful transfer with my thin lining. It doesn't mean I can't get pregnant successfully on my own, he just doesn't consider me an ideal candidate for IVF. 

So that's it. My match is "broken" after Skyping every Sunday for 4 months. I feel blacklisted by the RE and my agency won't rematch me because I no longer have the approval of the RE they work with (they only work with 2, and apparently the other one is much stricter).

I am feeling so many things right now, but mainly, I am pissed. I got ONE chance at a medicated cycle, where they made NO changes to my protocol (other than have me insert the estradiol vaginally when I was already half way through the cycle). It seems like we could have, at the very least, tried a medicated cycle again, with a more agressive estrogen amount from the very beginning.

I can't believe this is happening right now. I want J&S to have the family they dream of, and if that's not with me as their surrogate, that's okay. But I finally decided to become a surrogate, and I never even made it to a transfer. I did not see this coming after getting pregnant with both of my girls on the first try. It feels like something I HAVE to do. And I'm being told I can't, when I feel like I wasn't given a real fighting chance.

Exactly This.

Right here.

This is why my guys are awesome.

Do IP's Come in Pocket Size?

Did I mention that my guys are awesome?

Like I want to shrink them down and carry them around in my pocket, so they can pop out throughout the day and say nice things to me.

Things like...

"Becca is the best surrogate match EVER."

"We are very thankful for you being just you the way you are."

"You are truly a superhero."

So sweet.

"Hope you are having sweet dreams right now!"

"You make me smile like the sun."

"Hello sweetheart!"

Yes, these are actual quotes. Getting jealous yet?

"I wish I could do all the needles and meds for you, bearing the child is so much as it is."

"I wish you could just take a pill, a sip of water, and then BAM! Super preggo."

"You are such a super mum."

They are confirming my theory that gay men make better husbands.

"You are brilliant and so funny, and your blog is fantastic.

You will be famous and have a TV show, and you should definitely write a book!"

"You and Austin are fantastic and this feels like a dream."

"I wish you could feel like a princess through the whole pregnancy."

See? I need pocket sized IP's. I bet I'm not the only surrogate who feels this way! :)

Surrogacy Update: The clinic called with my monitoring appointment results. She said everything was right where it should be for baseline levels! My uterine lining was 2.5mm and my estrogen levels were less than 20. She said I probably won't even get my period this week like I was technically supposed to because the BCPs worked so well. Effective immediately, I reduce the Lupron from 10 units to 5 units every night, and I start taking Estradiol twice a day! Next monitoring appointment is July 5th.

Too Smart

We have been very honest with our 4 year old daughter about the surrogacy. She knows that families, just like people, all look different but they all have LOVE in common. She has been very excited for Mommy to grow a baby for J&S, and has been demanding for weeks that I get the baby seed in my tummy already.

So you can imagine my surprise when she declares one night that she doesn't want me to grow a baby for J&S. But don't worry, it gets better...and so funny. The kind of funny that only a preschooler can come up with...

Me: "I have to give myself shots to get my tummy ready to grow a baby for J&S."

Madi: "I don't want you to grow a baby for J&S. I want you to grow a baby for US!!!"

Cue stunned silence.

Me: "Ummm....Mommy's not going to grow a baby for us. We wanted two babies, and we have them. You and Sissy. So now it's time for Mommy to help a family who can't grow a baby on their own."

Madi: "Why can't J&S grow a baby on their own?"

I've explained this before, but did a quick explanation again. You know, just the basic "Boys' tummies don't grow babies. Only girls' tummies do."

To which my beautiful, brilliant, sassy 4 year old daughter replied:

"Mommy, don't you know that sometimes daddy seahorses grow the babies for the mommy?!"

Um, yeah. I'm gonna have my hands full with this little genius!

Daddy Seahorse Fun Fact:

The number of babies released by the male seahorse averages 100–1,000 for most species, but may be as high as 2,500. He typically gives birth at night and is ready for the next batch of eggs by morning when his mate returns!

Source: Wikipedia

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

You know that song is stuck in your head now. You're welcome!

So after a few revisions, Austin and I signed the final contract and FedEx'ed all 37 pages of it to the legal department at Circle Surrogacy!

I texted J&S this picture and said "Know what that is?! That's a signed final contract, on its way to Circle!!!" It made me smile to get a text back from them almost immediately, with their own picture of their contract and a message saying, "Do you know what this is! A signed contract on the way! :)"

But now we wait. Sigh.

Apparently, the egg donor is still in her medical screening process, and the guys have a separate contract they will sign with her.

Hurry up, Miss Egg Donor!

Just kidding! (Not really.)

Once all of that is complete, then the IVF clinic can start to sync my cycle with hers, using a calendar they create for medications and an estimated embryo transfer date. I have no idea how long it will take before we get our calendar. Originally, the IVF clinic thought we might do a transfer as early as the first week of July, but I don't think that will be the case. So now I'm worried about the date. I'm crossing my fingers that our transfer trip doesn't fall anywhere in between August 9th and September 14th. My niece has her birthday party that she's counting on me to help with, my daughters have their first day of school in August (the little one is starting VPK preschool), and then my husband and I will be swamped with coordinating our special needs daughter's fundraising fishing tournament on September 14th. I know that being a surrogate means I will have to make sacrifices and will likely miss some important events, but I really hope it all works out!

Surprise Souvenirs!

Last week, J&S had their medical screening and every thing went great! You should have seen them on Skype trying to explain about their part of the screening while my 4 year old daughter was sitting there listening. They finally settled on a swimming hand gesture while using the word "tadpoles." :)

I was so bummed that they were going to be in the same IVF clinic that Austin and I had been in less than two weeks before, but we weren't going to get to meet yet. When I said this to J before our medical screening trip, he said, "Yeah, you'll have to write a message on the bathroom wall or something!" We cracked up laughing, but the wheels were secretly turning in my head that I had to do something. So while in the Orlando airport, we picked up some stereotypical Florida souvenirs to surprise them with: chocolate alligators, salt water taffy, and a "Hi from Florida!" Mickey Mouse magnet. We bought a gift bag and a card at the Rite Aid in Grand Central Station (this makes me laugh--I don't know why), and then brought it to the IVF clinic the next morning. They were more than happy to let us leave the gift there to surprise the guys, and I am so thankful to them for that! That's really going above and beyond!

The guys loved their surprise, and said they started eating the candy right away because they had to fast before their blood work and were starving. I'm so glad the surprise worked out. And, even better, I found out that S collects magnets from the cities they visit while traveling. I had no idea! Now they have a Mickey magnet from their surrogate in Florida! :)

Surrogacy Contract, Yuck

This is the part I'm hoping is over with quickly.

The contract negotiations, the "business" part of surrogacy, is uncomfortable. Fortunately, because we are using an agency that has experienced attorneys, the guys and I don't have to figure out this part on our own. The attorneys draft the contract, and then work with us individually to make the changes we think are necessary.

But I hate it.

We have spent the last month getting to know these two amazing men and their family and building a relationship with them. I care about them deeply already, and they seem to really care about my family too. This friendship makes the business part feel awkward, but hopefully since the guys and I seem to be on the same page about everything, it will go smoothly and we can move on to the baby making! I can't start any injection meds until after the contracts are complete, but for now, it appears that we may do the embryo transfer in early July!

An Amazing 36 Hours

We got back from our medical screening trip two days ago. I cannot believe from when we left our house on Tuesday morning to when we got home on Wednesday evening was a mere 36 hours. We crammed so much into such a short period of time, and we had so many new experiences! I'm so thankful that although the purpose of this trip was for the surrogacy medical screening, we had a little bit of time to visit a city I've always wanted to see. It's a trip I will never forget!

Right after I posted my last post, we took a taxi (a first for us) to the train station (another first) so we could make the trip down to Manhattan. I'm so glad J&S encouraged us to do this! We spent the evening in midtown Manhattan, walking around the city, going to the top of the Empire State Building, and then heading over to Times Square. The city is indescribable, and the view from the top of the Empire State Building seemed too amazing to be real. Although I love living in a small town, the buzz of energy and excitement in Manhattan was pretty awesome. All of the buildings were so gorgeous, and when we first walked out of Grand Central Station on to the street, I will be the first to admit I got choked up. I couldn't believe that we were actually standing there, and it was even more than I imagined it to be. We spent about 6 hours there before heading back to Connecticut. We were absolutely exhausted and even fell asleep on the train (oops!). I'm having a hard time deciding which pictures to post here, and I took too many to post them all. So here are just a couple, or you can click here, and see all of the pictures along with their descriptions. :)

Me and my hubby in front of the New York Public Library,

Look at their gorgeous flower bed of tulips!

Our view of lower Manhattan from the top of the Empire

State Building. In this shot, you can see the new World

Trade Center building and the Statue of Liberty.

Finally, in Times Square, someone offered to take

our picture so we didn't have to do another selfie!

Times Square as the sun's going down. See

the New Year's Eve ball up there?!

Next stop: the IVF clinic for my medical screening!

Introducing my IP's!

WHAT?!?! I was reading my last few posts, and realized I never updated you guys on the biggest news ever...we are officially matched!!! In my defense, I did do an excited all-caps shout-it-from-the-rooftops Facebook status last week. :)

So yes...the very first profile we received turned out to be a perfect match! They love us, we love them, and we are all in a little bit of disbelief how well this has worked out. Kudos to our social worker at Circle and her incredible matching skills. They really know what they are doing over there!

We now have a journey coordinator, who will guide us through the rest of this surrogacy experience. I spoke with her on Friday morning while she was on lockdown in her Boston home (scary!!), and she explained that the next step for me will be traveling to the IVF clinic in Connecticut for my medical screening appointment. This is a quick trip, just overnight, and Austin will also be going to have lab work done as well. The only thing that has me nervous about this appointment is the flying. I have been on a plane 3 times in my life (well, I guess 6 if you count the return flight) and the last time was about 12 years ago. The scariest thing at that time was the flying--now of course, there's a lot more things to worry about! Yikes. I'm trying not to think about it all, but it's hard not to with the Boston tragedies this week. Anyway, our information has also been provided to the agency's legal team, who will spend the next 4 weeks or so drafting up our carrier agreement. We can't begin any IVF medications or anything like that until the contract is finalized.

We Skyped with the guys again this morning and have been emailing back and forth all week. I double-checked with them again to make sure they were okay with me revealing just a tiny bit of information about them on my blog. I wish I could share more with you, because some of you have expressed that you are dying for details, but I can't share much before we have completed our carrier agreement. So here's just a little taste to get you by until then...

INTRODUCING S & J!!!!!

Don't laugh! I can't share a picture yet, so this is all you get for now.

I assure you they are way more adorable when they aren't in clip art form.

And yes, they already have a son. :)

They live in Sweden!

Thank you for your amazing education, Florida public school system...

This straight-A student had to Google it just to know for sure where Sweden was on the map.

S was born and raised in Italy, while J is originally from Sweden. They are in their 30's and are both smart, successful, funny, and friendly. Hooray for awesome daddies!

We are hoping to have a standing Skype date on Sunday mornings, sometimes the 6 hour time difference makes things a little tricky. Last week I was Skyping with J, and my 4 year old Madi was sitting with me. It was late afternoon here, which means it was dark in Sweden. J was trying to explain to Madi that it was already nighttime where he was. She was baffled by this, so he took the iPad out on the balcony, and held it so she could see the black sky and the moon. She said, "Ohhhhh, I like your moon!" How funny is that?! I tried to explain that it's the same moon we have, but even as an adult, it's hard for me to wrap my head around that concept. :)

The kids tend to monopolize the screen when we do the family Skype calls, so us grown-ups don't get much talking in. But it's so fun for my entire family to be able to interact with their family, even though we are 4,600 miles away from each other! That's pretty amazing!

Ooo! Ooo! Pick Me!

Pick me! Pick me!

(You can't see me right now, but I am raising my hand as far in the air as I can, waving it around, and bouncing up and down in my seat.)

As you can probably tell, my Skype call with the guys today went great! Besides some Skype technical difficulties in the beginning, everything went smoothly. They were so friendly and so easy to talk to, I think it seemed awkward for maybe the first nanosecond of the call. I'm so glad Austin was able to be here too, and it worked out that we were able to chat while my big girl was at school and my little girl was napping. The four of us talked for an hour and a half!

From what I can tell, their relationship seems a lot like mine and Austin's. They were lovingly playful and teasing of each other, and seemed to have a solid friendship as the base of their relationship. We all four seemed to get along great, and they are definitely the kind of people we could see ourselves being friends with. We seemed to all be on the same page, and very flexible and laid back in our visions of the surrogacy.

My favorite part was when one of the guys asked a personal question about our sex life while being pregnant. We didn't blush at all, but the other guy looked so embarrassed. :) I was happy to answer any questions they had, so I'm glad he felt comfortable asking!

Towards the end of our call, one of the guys "introduced" me to his brother and his future sister-in-law by taking the computer into another room. I loved it. :)

Apparently, I'm going to have an overuse of smiley faces in this post. :)

I let the social worker know right away (like the second I got off of Skype) that we definitely felt like they were a "match" for us! I hope they feel the same way! I shared with them my blog website, so they could check things out and make sure they felt comfortable with me blogging about our journey together. So in case they're reading this...hi guys! :)

Big Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow morning, I will be completing the last part of my application process, the MMPI test! That should last about an hour and a half, and then just two hours later, Austin and I will be Skyping with the IP's!! They are 6 hours ahead of us, so I'm glad we were able to find a time so quickly that worked with everyone's schedule!

I asked the social worker if the guys have an egg donor yet, and she said she believes they just chose one this week. So that's a big deal for them! That means in a span of a few days, they may have found their egg donor and surrogate! I'm so excited for them!

It's Here!!!

I officially have, in my hands, right now....

A PROFILE FOR INTENDED PARENTS!!!!

So far, the general consensus is....

I'M IN LOVE!!!

Thirteen pages, and I love all of it. I'm dying to share details, but can't yet, because we aren't officially matched. Right now, the IP's are going over my profile too. We both have about three days to look it all over and decide if we'd like to take the next step, which would be a Skype meeting. If we are both still ready to proceed after the Skype meeting, then we are considered officially matched!

I'm trying not to get too excited because just because I like them, doesn't mean they'll like me. But if they don't, that's okay...that means the perfect IP's are still out there!

Oh, and this Friday will be the last part of the application process for me...the MMPI test! I'm more curious than nervous about that one...I've researched and chatted with other surrogates who have taken this test, and some of the questions have really piqued my interest. Obviously, I plan on being completely truthful, but what about the questions that may be a little subjective?

Like "I engage in unusual sexual behaviors."

Are my only options "True" or "False?"

Or can I choose Option C...."Ummmmm.....unusual compared to.....can you give some examples???"

This should be fun. ;)

Totally Committed

I have been officially accepted as a surrogate with the agency!

Well, sort of.

That's what the letter of commitment I received stated in the beginning paragraph, but later added "Pending the results of the psychology testing."

Ah yes, that's probably important. They should definitely check to make sure I'm not discussing my surrogacy plans with any imaginary friends.

So after a very busy week, I have a lot to catch you up on! About 2 weeks ago, I posted a blog entry to let you know my medical records had been approved, and I was moving on to the screening process (as opposed to pre-screening). My surro friend, Jeni, who also happens to do the surrogate pre-screening process for the agency (a career I am very interested in, btw), commented on that post to give me the heads up that this part of the process would move very quickly. She was right! Two days later, I had my OB clearance appointment, and that same afternoon, I received two emails regarding the surrogacy process. One was informing me that I had been pre-authorized for maternity insurance. The other was from the agency's social worker, who was ready to schedule a two hour phone interview with me, and a one hour phone call with Austin.

I scheduled my call for Wednesday, April 3rd, and Austin's for Friday, April 5th. Both of my daughters are in school on Wednesday mornings, and I knew that would be the only way I could focus all of my attention on this interview. You know if my kids were home during this phone call, they would completely ignore me all morning playing contently by themselves until I answer the phone. Then some kind of child radar goes off, and they are instantly starving/fighting/whining/hot/cold/thirsty/bored/breaking things. All at once.

I was super nervous about this interview, and woke up early that morning because I was so nervous. Turns out, there was nothing to be nervous about. The social worker was so easy to talk to. The "interview" was her asking me questions about my life, and me telling her my stories. Questions like, "Tell me about your pregnancies and deliveries with your daughters." I haven't met a mom yet who doesn't like to share those stories! Or "Tell me how you met your husband and what your relationship is like." And "What are the reasons you decided to pursue surrogacy?" I'm the sort of story teller who likes to start at the beginning and tell the WHOLE story with all the details and quotes and what people were wearing (my best friend is nodding her head right now--you might be too, because of these blog posts). I think the social worker quickly realized she got more than she bargained for, because after a few of my responses, she politely said, "Well, I want to be mindful of the time, so...."

Our two hour conversation ended up being nearly three hours. Oops.

She talked to Austin on Friday, and apparently he wasn't nervous at all. Which, if you know my husband, means she had a hard time shutting him up too. :) They talked for about 90 minutes. I was baking and decorating all day for my youngest daughter's birthday, so I made Austin sit in the kitchen so I could listen to his end of the conversation. I found myself a couple of times quietly chiming in while he was talking, which I really didn't want to do! It was just so hard! But I stopped myself, just let him talk, and enjoyed listening to his perspective on a lot of the same questions. Some of the answers were so different from mine, it was hard not to laugh.

Like this one...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your husband."

Me: "I was a junior in high school. My best friend was a girl named Lisa, and she'd known Austin since 2nd grade. They lived in this little country town named Geneva, his mom even picked him up from school on their horse. He was driving home from the feed store with the bed of his truck full of hay. Lisa and I were talking with some friends, and here comes Austin, driving fast around the corner on the dirt road. He stopped to say hi to Lisa, and she introduced us. I remember being embarrassed to smile at him because I had just gotten my braces off that morning........" Etc. etc. etc.

Now Austin's turn...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your wife."

Austin: "Through a mutual friend."

I'm still laughing at that one. ;)

Just a couple of hours after Austin's interview was complete, we received the commitment letter from the agency! The letter had several statements I needed to initial, confirming that I understand many of my responsibilities being a surrogate (giving yourself injections, traveling for procedures, etc.). I signed it and sent it back this morning. Some time this week, the social worker will set me up with the agency's psychologist for the MMPI test, and concurrently, she'll send me a profile of the first set of IP's!

The social worker mentioned a particular set of IP's several times that she seems to already have in mind for us. She didn't give me many details, and I'm not sure whether I can or should share the details here just yet, in case we aren't matched. So for now, I'll just reveal that it is an international same sex male couple! I'm excited to see what new information we get this week!

Next Step!

Yesterday, Jeni from Circle Surrogacy (my agency) emailed me to let me know that she had just received "a TON" of medical records via fax! She said once the IVF doctor reviews these records (from my pregnancies/deliveries) and approves me for surrogacy, then I am officially done with the "pre-screening" process. Well......

Today my records were approved by the IVF doctor!

This was me, upon hearing this news....

Seriously, this show never gets old!

Also, I felt like I was going to puke. Gotta love nerves. ;)

Getting through pre-screening means I am now all set for social worker screening! The social worker will help to determine if my husband and I are emotionally and mentally prepared to embark on a surrogacy journey. We will have a phone interview with a social worker from Circle that will last approximately 2 hours. It will be a chance for the agency to learn more about my motivations for being a surrogate, my relationships with friends and family, and my interests and personality. The social worker will also talk to my hubby to make sure he is supportive and on board with the surrogacy (the agency requires their surrogates to have the full support of their spouse or partner).

The questions asked on the initial questionnaire were answered in a little more detail during the application process, but in our conversation with the social worker, these questions will be addressed again, more in depth than before. These are questions relating to what I'm looking for in a surrogacy journey, which types of Intended Parents (IP's) I'm comfortable working with, and the really tough topics like pregnancy termination and selective reduction. Discussing these topics will help the agency find IP's whose preferences/views are the same as mine, so that we can be a perfect match for this journey together!

Not sure how quickly all of this will take place, but I've heard surrogacy is a "Hurry Up and Wait" sort of deal. :) Something that IS happening soon though is getting clearance from my OB! I have an appointment this Friday to discuss my surrogacy plans with him, have him sign my OB Clearance letter, and have my IUD removed so I can have a snuggly place for a surro-babe in the next few months!

Only the Beginning

I've been sitting here wondering where to start this first post...so after typing and deleting several times, I've decided to start at the beginning. The VERY beginning. The very first time thoughts of being a surrogate began stirring around in my head. It didn't catch me by surprise, as crazy as it sounds. It was more like, "Why the heck have I never thought of this before?!"

It was way back in 2003. I was 22 years old, had been married for less than a year, and pregnant with my first baby girl. I was finishing up my bachelor's degree in elementary education, and that particular semester was exhausting. I spent half the day teaching kindergarten, then I'd come home, lay down and rest for 20 minutes, and then head off to a 3 hour class at the university. Fridays were easy though...once I was done teaching, I was free for the rest of the day. Usually, that meant I would sit on the couch with my feet up, write lesson plans or do homework, doze in and out of sleep (did I mention teaching, going to school, and growing a baby all at once is exhausting?!), and watch marathons of "A Baby Story" on TLC. I was practically completely addicted to that show. I was a first time preggo, and I couldn't get enough of other women's stories. Some of the episodes made me more excited to have a baby, and some scared the crap out of me. But one stuck with me the most, even now, a decade later.

It was an episode about a woman carrying a baby for her brother and his husband. She was a traditional surrogate (different from a gestational surrogate). This was the second baby girl she was carrying for them. I remember thinking it was AWESOME of TLC to show two gay fathers on A Baby Story. Ten years ago, there was no "Modern Family" or "The New Normal" yet. For a TV show  to feature a man in a normal, loving relationship with another man, the two of them excited to be fathers again...it was a pretty amazing thing. By using the surrogate's eggs and her brother-in-law's sperm, the baby was actually genetically related to BOTH fathers. How cool is that?! I was so moved by their story, and I couldn't help thinking about a family member of mine that is gay. I remember saying to myself, "I could do that for him, if he wanted a family. I could TOTALLY do that!" I was really excited about the idea and would think about it often over the next few years.

Since that day, I've had two daughters: one in 2004 and one in 2009. I have considered being a gestational surrogate for several different friends and family members, if they reached a point in their lives where they needed to make the decision to use a surrogate. But as of now, that hasn't been the case, and I am 99% sure we are done having children. So now the idea of surrogacy for someone other than a family member keeps popping in my head. My children have made me who I am. They are my reason for being, and once I became a mother, I knew my purpose in life. I knew why I was here. How amazing would it be to give someone else a chance to experience life with a child of their own? To be able to help them create their own family!

So here we are...it's only the beginning but I can already picture the end: seeing two intended parents become ACTUAL parents when their brand new baby is placed in their arms. Now, if I can just keep that image in my head when I have to give myself those dreaded progesterone injections....