Closing Time.

This is it. My last blog post.

I've been wanting to do one for a while, but I wasn't sure what to say. Then I had too much to say. And lacked the energy to form a coherent final entry. So I've been avoiding it. Until today.

My Timehop app notification pops up. And the first thing I see is this.

The day that everything officially started unraveling. I've been waiting for it. Every day on Timehop, I see Facebook status updates from one year ago relating to surrogacy in one way or another. After all, I was living, eating, breathing surrogacy at the time.

So here we are, one year later. All the surrogates that I follow who got pregnant around the same time I was beginning my medication cycling have had their surro-babes now. The last one, the surrogate whose journey was most like mine (same agency, same RE, thin lining issues, transfer canceled) gave birth last week. Some of the surrogates are already working on a second journey.

Although I would have loved for my surrogacy journey to have worked out with J&S (who sadly still have no baby on the way), it's hard to imagine at this point that I would have been giving birth this summer. It's hard to imagine the things I got to do that I may have missed out on, had I still been pursuing surrogacy or been pregnant or giving birth.

Things like birthday parties for my daughters.

Or running a 5K with my husband.

Ringing in the New Year with my amazing friends (and alcohol).

Watching my baby "gradulate" from preschool.

And birthday shenanigans in St. Augustine with my best girl.

So while I knew that being a surrogate meant making sacrifices I was willing to make, it feels good looking back to know I didn't have to miss any of these moments. I did lose a couple of friends as a result of my decision to be a surrogate for a gay couple. But let's be honest, I'm not really missing out on anything there, am I? ;)

I am so thankful for this whole experience though. I learned so much about myself, my support system, and my ability to push myself further than I ever thought possible (Hello, needle-phobe giving myself dozens of intramuscular injections!). I made friends I would have never found otherwise and traveled to places I never thought I'd go. Speaking of which, my whirlwind trip with my husband to New York City for the medical screening still goes down as one of the most memorable 36 hours of my life. Manhattan, Grand Central Terminal, the top of the Empire State Building, the lights of Times Square, the harrowing taxi rides, and spring in full bloom. 

This was our first glimpse of the city as we walked out of Grand Central Terminal. It literally took my breath away. We both gasped in awe and disbelief. I will never forget that rush, which is good, because pictures do not do this city justice. Who knew that two small town kids would get bit by the big city bug? We are both itching to go back for another visit!

So remember all that pain and heartache I felt when my surrogate dream crashed down around me? Turns out it gets better. I'm okay now. And after an astounding 25,000 page views on this blog from all over the world, lengthy applications (and quick denials) with over 2 dozen surrogacy agencies after my lining issues, and countless syringes and hormone pills, my surrogacy chapter is closed.

Closing time.

You don't have to go home, but you

Can't. Stay. Here.

(P.S. I knooow whoooo I waaaant to take me home!.......sorry, couldn't help it. It's in my head now.)

An Amazing 36 Hours

We got back from our medical screening trip two days ago. I cannot believe from when we left our house on Tuesday morning to when we got home on Wednesday evening was a mere 36 hours. We crammed so much into such a short period of time, and we had so many new experiences! I'm so thankful that although the purpose of this trip was for the surrogacy medical screening, we had a little bit of time to visit a city I've always wanted to see. It's a trip I will never forget!

Right after I posted my last post, we took a taxi (a first for us) to the train station (another first) so we could make the trip down to Manhattan. I'm so glad J&S encouraged us to do this! We spent the evening in midtown Manhattan, walking around the city, going to the top of the Empire State Building, and then heading over to Times Square. The city is indescribable, and the view from the top of the Empire State Building seemed too amazing to be real. Although I love living in a small town, the buzz of energy and excitement in Manhattan was pretty awesome. All of the buildings were so gorgeous, and when we first walked out of Grand Central Station on to the street, I will be the first to admit I got choked up. I couldn't believe that we were actually standing there, and it was even more than I imagined it to be. We spent about 6 hours there before heading back to Connecticut. We were absolutely exhausted and even fell asleep on the train (oops!). I'm having a hard time deciding which pictures to post here, and I took too many to post them all. So here are just a couple, or you can click here, and see all of the pictures along with their descriptions. :)

Me and my hubby in front of the New York Public Library,

Look at their gorgeous flower bed of tulips!

Our view of lower Manhattan from the top of the Empire

State Building. In this shot, you can see the new World

Trade Center building and the Statue of Liberty.

Finally, in Times Square, someone offered to take

our picture so we didn't have to do another selfie!

Times Square as the sun's going down. See

the New Year's Eve ball up there?!

Next stop: the IVF clinic for my medical screening!