Where Have I Been???

I am super swamped planning a fast-approaching fundraiser for my older daughter with special needs, and cleaning up puke and poop from the younger daughter with a stomach virus. Ahhh, the glamorous life of a Mommy!

So, here are my updates, before my rugrats realize I sneaked away for a few moments to myself....

1. My conversation with Dr. Lavy: He said when my lining didn't thicken the first time around, we had several options we could try: Increase the meds, add additional meds, try a different type of estrogen, or try a natural cycle. He chose natural (which, I'm sorry, out of all the options, that one seems like choosing to do nothing), and the results were almost the same. From that, he concluded I am not a candidate for IVF. When I pointed out that we could have tried another cycle with the other options, he said, "You shouldn't have to go through extremes with a surrogate's cycle. It should just all be smooth sailing and work perfectly." Well then. I understand what he's trying to say, but clearly we have a difference of opinion on what is considered extreme. He did apologize for the treatment I received, or lack there of. When I told him I had all these questions and no one could answer them, he said, "You were asking people who shouldn't have to answer those questions. I am the one you should be asking, and I am always available to answer questions. I offered to talk to you that same day." This was all news to me, so I let him know that I tried. That I left a message and email that same day that everything fell apart, and I didn't hear from anyone for two days, and only then it was to set up a phone call for the next week. So by the time he and I spoke, I'd gone a week without any explanations. That's when he apologized, so at least he acknowledged that. But the whole conversation was maybe 5 minutes, and then it was over. I didn't expect much else really, but now I can close that chapter and move on.

2. My application with Simple Surrogacy: Rejected because of my thin lining "issues." Rejected three times, actually. I got 3 separate emails over a span of a few days with the subject line "Rejected for Surrogacy." I guess they wanted to make it very clear to me that I was rejected! Rejected! REJECTED! I got it the first time, thanks!

3. My applications with the other agencies: After applying with Simple, I went ahead and applied with three other agencies to get the ball rolling in case Simple didn't work out--which it didn't, in case you missed the fact that I was REJECTED! :) I really appreciate all of the surrogates that have contacted me over the last couple of weeks to share their opinions (good or bad) on various agencies. One suggested that I get in touch with a well-known RE in Connecticut, Dr. Doyle, who pre-screens your medical records if you're interested in surrogacy. Sort of like working backwards....get the doctor's approval, and THEN find an agency, which should make it easier to apply having already gotten a doctor's approval. He works frequently with one of the agencies I was interested in. This has also been the agency that's been the friendliest, and the most on top of replying to my emails or application. I usually hear from them within a few hours, which is what I liked when I was with Circle. These other agencies are taking 5 days, 7 days, even longer in some cases, to reply. That's a bit of a red flag to me! So I just found out today that Dr. Doyle approved (Approved! APPROVED!) me for surrogacy, and thinks I would have done just fine on a higher dose of estradiol. So I'm 99.9% sure I have found a new agency, and they seem ready to match me right away!

4. My current cycle: I decided at the beginning of this cycle that I would do the home remedies I wanted to try with my previous cycles, and would have if I'd known it was my last chance. So, I have an appointment with my regular OB tomorrow in hopes that he will let me get an ultrasound to check my uterine lining this month. I am paying for all of this out of my pocket, but I thought if my lining was good, it might help me in my quest to be accepted by a new agency. Even though it doesn't look like it's necessary now, I think I'm still going to do it just for curiosity's sake!

Crap! The rugrats found me! I'll have to save my home remedies post for another time!

Certifiably Not Crazy

I haven't had a chance yet to blog about the MMPI test I had to take last Friday! This was the last step in the application process, so I was excited to get it done! Unlike the other steps, I wasn't nervous about this one. You might remember from a previous post that I was actually looking forward to it. I've heard the questions can be interesting, so I was very curious to see for myself!

I did start to get a little worried when I tried to log in to the online meeting software to "meet" with the psychologist, and the site wouldn't let me log in to the meeting. After making a few phone calls to Circle, I talked to the psychologist and found out she was running late and hadn't yet logged in, making it so that I was unable to log in as well. Whew! Glad it wasn't me. :)

The MMPI stands for the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, and the version I took was actually called the MMPI-2RF, which is the new and improved version. It also has less questions than the original...so instead of 567 true/false questions, there are "only" 338 questions. This sounded very intimidating, but really didn't take long at all. The test checks 10 areas:

1. Concern with bodily symptoms
2. Depressive symptoms
3. Awareness of problems and vulnerabilities
4. Conflict, struggle, anger, respect for society's rules
5. Stereotypical masculine or feminine interests/behaviors
6. Level of trust, suspiciousness, sensitivity
7. Worry, anxiety, tension, doubts, obsessiveness
8. Odd thinking and social alientation
9. Level of excitability
10. People orientation

Dr. H watched me on the webcam the entire time, but she covered up her camera so it wouldn't get distracting seeing her out of the corner of my eye staring at me. So after a quick explanation by the psychologist about the test, it was time for me to get started!

Question #1:

"I like mechanics magazines."

Um, false.

Question #2:

"I think I would like the work of a librarian."

True! I'm a bookworm!

Question #3:

"Evil spirits possess me at times."

What?! Do I get points off for laughing?!

(My answer was false, by the way.)

The questions continued like this, with several that seemed pointless (not really, but you know what I mean) and then BAM! A crazy one was thrown in there! Here are some of the other questions I found quite interesting...

"My soul sometimes leaves my body."

"My hands and feet are almost always the temperature they are supposed to be."

"I used to like drop-the-hankerchief."  (Again, what?!?!)

"I see things or animals or people around me that others do not see."

Once I finished the test, Dr. H said she would be in touch if there were any responses she needed me to elaborate on, but otherwise, she didn't see anything so far that was of any concern. So that's it! Application process--done!

And because I know, after my previous post, many of you are wondering what happened when I got to the question about the "unusual sexual behaviors." Fortunately, the question was not written as subjectively as I'd heard it might be. It actually said:

"I have never been in trouble because of my sexual behaviors."

True! Hooray!

(Well...unless you count the time my stepmom walked in on us as teenagers...)  ;)

Totally Committed

I have been officially accepted as a surrogate with the agency!

Well, sort of.

That's what the letter of commitment I received stated in the beginning paragraph, but later added "Pending the results of the psychology testing."

Ah yes, that's probably important. They should definitely check to make sure I'm not discussing my surrogacy plans with any imaginary friends.

So after a very busy week, I have a lot to catch you up on! About 2 weeks ago, I posted a blog entry to let you know my medical records had been approved, and I was moving on to the screening process (as opposed to pre-screening). My surro friend, Jeni, who also happens to do the surrogate pre-screening process for the agency (a career I am very interested in, btw), commented on that post to give me the heads up that this part of the process would move very quickly. She was right! Two days later, I had my OB clearance appointment, and that same afternoon, I received two emails regarding the surrogacy process. One was informing me that I had been pre-authorized for maternity insurance. The other was from the agency's social worker, who was ready to schedule a two hour phone interview with me, and a one hour phone call with Austin.

I scheduled my call for Wednesday, April 3rd, and Austin's for Friday, April 5th. Both of my daughters are in school on Wednesday mornings, and I knew that would be the only way I could focus all of my attention on this interview. You know if my kids were home during this phone call, they would completely ignore me all morning playing contently by themselves until I answer the phone. Then some kind of child radar goes off, and they are instantly starving/fighting/whining/hot/cold/thirsty/bored/breaking things. All at once.

I was super nervous about this interview, and woke up early that morning because I was so nervous. Turns out, there was nothing to be nervous about. The social worker was so easy to talk to. The "interview" was her asking me questions about my life, and me telling her my stories. Questions like, "Tell me about your pregnancies and deliveries with your daughters." I haven't met a mom yet who doesn't like to share those stories! Or "Tell me how you met your husband and what your relationship is like." And "What are the reasons you decided to pursue surrogacy?" I'm the sort of story teller who likes to start at the beginning and tell the WHOLE story with all the details and quotes and what people were wearing (my best friend is nodding her head right now--you might be too, because of these blog posts). I think the social worker quickly realized she got more than she bargained for, because after a few of my responses, she politely said, "Well, I want to be mindful of the time, so...."

Our two hour conversation ended up being nearly three hours. Oops.

She talked to Austin on Friday, and apparently he wasn't nervous at all. Which, if you know my husband, means she had a hard time shutting him up too. :) They talked for about 90 minutes. I was baking and decorating all day for my youngest daughter's birthday, so I made Austin sit in the kitchen so I could listen to his end of the conversation. I found myself a couple of times quietly chiming in while he was talking, which I really didn't want to do! It was just so hard! But I stopped myself, just let him talk, and enjoyed listening to his perspective on a lot of the same questions. Some of the answers were so different from mine, it was hard not to laugh.

Like this one...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your husband."

Me: "I was a junior in high school. My best friend was a girl named Lisa, and she'd known Austin since 2nd grade. They lived in this little country town named Geneva, his mom even picked him up from school on their horse. He was driving home from the feed store with the bed of his truck full of hay. Lisa and I were talking with some friends, and here comes Austin, driving fast around the corner on the dirt road. He stopped to say hi to Lisa, and she introduced us. I remember being embarrassed to smile at him because I had just gotten my braces off that morning........" Etc. etc. etc.

Now Austin's turn...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your wife."

Austin: "Through a mutual friend."

I'm still laughing at that one. ;)

Just a couple of hours after Austin's interview was complete, we received the commitment letter from the agency! The letter had several statements I needed to initial, confirming that I understand many of my responsibilities being a surrogate (giving yourself injections, traveling for procedures, etc.). I signed it and sent it back this morning. Some time this week, the social worker will set me up with the agency's psychologist for the MMPI test, and concurrently, she'll send me a profile of the first set of IP's!

The social worker mentioned a particular set of IP's several times that she seems to already have in mind for us. She didn't give me many details, and I'm not sure whether I can or should share the details here just yet, in case we aren't matched. So for now, I'll just reveal that it is an international same sex male couple! I'm excited to see what new information we get this week!

Overwhelmed

Two days ago, I finally shared the blog I'd been working on making pretty for two weeks now (damn you HTML and your nonsense codes).  The idea of gestational surrogacy was one that my husband and I discussed privately many times before sharing the information with an extremely small group of family and friends. So putting it all out there on Facebook this week was a big step. I was prepared for phone calls, texts, and comments of all types...shock, confusion, well wishes, and sadly, even a few negative, judgmental comments. (I may have had an arsenal of words ready for that particular group...) ;)

What I wasn't prepared for is the outpouring of support, compliments and praise. When the Facebook notifications started popping up, I was expecting a few comments like this: "Wha?!?!?!" I did NOT expect the ones like this: "I am so proud of you!! What an amazing and selfless act of kindness." Those are the words that appeared over and over.... PROUD.... AMAZING.... SELFLESS.... and so now my word back to you is OVERWHELMED! I don't even know what to say. Thank you all for your support and kind words. It's hard to wrap my head around the compliments, because I'm not focused on what I'm doing. I'm focused on what someone else will get out this!

Fact:  There are loving couples in this world who need help to have a baby.

Fact:  My body happens to handle pregnancy and childbirth pretty well.

Fact:  I am a mother who wants my children to grow up in a world where the rights of everyone are protected, and freedom is denied to no one.

Fact:  I will do whatever I can to speak up or lend a helping hand (or uterus) to the people who are facing inequality.

So here's where I am right now in this application process. I have made it through the loooong pre-screening questionnaire on the agency's website (more about that in another post) and was accepted less than 24 hours later. My medical records from my previous pregnancies have been requested, and apparently are taking a little longer than usual become some of them are in storage (I guess that's to be expected when you request information from 10 years ago!). Once my medical records have all been received and reviewed by an IVF doctor, I will officially move on to the next phase of the process, which will include a psychological assessment and an interview with a social worker, for both myself and my husband. I'm excited for things to start moving along again!

Oh, and P.S. If I just totally jinxed myself by stating that my body handles pregnancy and childbirth well, I take it back!! :)