I'm Still Here...

I'm sure you can imagine, since it took me two days to blog, that my appointment did not go well on Monday. I needed some time to process what happened, the end of another disappointing road, and whether I wanted to start down a new one. Or if I would even be allowed.

That being said, I do want to thank all of my family, friends, surro-sisters, and blog readers who reached out to me in the last couple of days. From the number of emails, Facebook messages, and website hits, I know many of you were anxiously looking for an update. It still amazes me how many views my blog gets (almost 16,000 since March!), and it feels great to be able to interact with all of you. It was one of my reasons for starting this blog in the first place: To put my journey out there and inspire or help others exploring the world of surrogacy. Thank you all for being the knot in the end of my rope.

Alright. Cue the symphony music, cut my mic, kick me off the stage. I know what you really want to read are the details!

So back to my appointment on Monday. My lining was 6.76mm, when the clinic was looking for something closer to an 8. While I felt bummed because I knew it wasn't good enough, I have to say that I was a little impressed with it too. My lining increased as much in 5 days as it had the ENTIRE cycle. I felt like that had to mean something. The thing is, I don't know what did it. The added Estrace pills? The acupuncture? The additional supplements? The crazy amount of orgasms to increase blood flow? (Seriously, that's all I managed to get done those last few days...it's a hard job, but I'll take one--or several--for the team!) I had a glimmer of hope that maybe they'd extend my cycle again by another week, but I was doubtful.

First, I had a long talk with my dear Jeni, where I was feeling a little done and over all the stress and pressure on myself (mostly by me). Then I talked to my hubby, where I was feeling like I owed my family my full attention again (again, this is coming from my own head). Finally, I talked to my big sister, where I turned into a sad, sappy mess (she's been my "therapist" for a couple of decades now, so she's totally used to it, lol). And after all of that, I decided to email the IVF clinic and put my offer on the table: Give me another week. I will continue the estrogen pills in addition to the injections, I will schedule two more acupuncture sessions (I know, right?!), and I will get another ultrasound done to check my lining. And I will cover all the costs.

Unfortunately, the answer was no.

While I was at my daughter's dance class, I got a call from Dr. Leondires at RMA in Connecticut. This was the first time I'd talked to him directly, so I knew it wasn't favorable news. He was amazingly sweet though. He believes that given the different medicated cycles I've tried without success, I just don't build a lining suitable for IVF. That's not to say that I can't get pregnant on my own or even that an IVF transfer wouldn't be successful. But when you're dealing with Intended Parents, tens of thousands of dollars, and their embryos, they need to have the lining measure what they believe to be optimal for implantation. The sweet part is when he said, "Listen, this is absolutely not your fault. What you are trying to do for these guys is an amazing thing. But I think it's time now to move on from surrogacy and find another way to give back to the world." He said he would be calling B&J to let them know, and he's sure I would be talking to them too. "Actually," I said, "I've never had any direct contact with them. I think we were all sort of waiting to see what happened with this mock cycle." I'm thankful for that now, although once you know names and faces and family details, it doesn't really make another match-break easy. Easier than if we spend months building a relationship, I guess. But still painful. I was a complete mess in the bathroom stall at the dance studio. I hope that B&J have read my blog, so they know I have literally done every single thing possible to try and help make this cycle a success.

My agency is still sticking with me though. They immediately requested my medical records from RMA, and they are encouraging me to send them to Dr. Doyle to see if he would still work with me. He agreed to previously, but given the results from this mock cycle, I don't know if he'd feel the same way. However, I'm going to try. Not a day goes by that I don't think about being a surrogate, so I owe it to myself to keep trying for as long as I can--or as long as the doctors will let me. I don't ever want anyone to think I gave up, because no matter how hard all of this is, it will all be worth it if I can find a doctor who has the right protocol for me. So many of my surrogate friends have great things to say about Dr. Doyle, and I was very happy with the communication I'd had with his office staff, as well as Dr. Doyle himself. Since when do you find a doctor who emails you back within an hour?!

So I'm still here. Still hanging on. Anybody know if that cute kitten hanging from the tree branch on the poster ever manages to get himself back up?!

Is There Anything a Surrogate Won't Try?!

Apparently not!

Remember when I said I had a laundry list of home remedies that's everything short of voodoo? Well, I spoke to soon!

Okay, so it wasn't ACTUALLY voodoo. It was acupuncture. But yeah, since I was the "doll," I'm going to say it's close enough.

I've been reading about acupuncture for infertility, and specifically for thin lining, for several weeks now. But I didn't try it for a few reasons.

1. It's expensive. $90 for the first visit, $70 for subsequent ones.
2. They use needles.
3. I hate needles.
4. Needles.

Once I got the news on Wednesday that this next ultrasound would be the "end of the road" if my lining isn't thick enough, I decided I needed to try it. At this point, I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. I called a few local places who were all booked up and couldn't get me in before my ultrasound tomorrow. And I still kept thinking about the cost...ouch. Then I found a few places that offer "community acupuncture" which means you aren't in a private room, and so the session only costs $30. One of them was having their community session that night, Thursday, so I made my appointment. I was happy to try it, hopeful that one session would help, and a bit disappointed that I wouldn't be able to do more than one session before the ultrasound.

I'm not feeling so disappointed anymore! One session will have to be enough!

First, he put 9 needles in my lower abdomen. These felt okay, and didn't hurt or bother me. I actually started to forget they were there. It was a little weird to see him stick a needle in my stomach and then feel a tingle in my toes. Crazy!

Next, he put two needles in each ankle, on the inside. Those sucked. Big time. It felt like I was hitting a funny bone in my ankle over and over again, which made it impossible to relax while I laid there for an hour. I kept telling myself "If it works, it's worth it. Just get through this one time."

Which became a little harder to keep in mind when he put a needle in the BOTTOM OF EACH FOOT. Right in the arch. Yikes.

So there I am, a human "pokey-pine" (my daughter's quote--I love it!), and the acupuncturist says, "Okay sweetie, you're all set. Just relax for about an hour, find your beach, and I'll be back to check on you."

Wha???? Find my beach?!

Let me tell you about my beach. My beach is the white sand and turquoise waters of Key West, with my husband (and/or Justin Timberlake) next to me handing me pina coladas in a half-coconut with a little paper umbrella. I cannot find my beach in a dark room filled with incense, while needles stick out of my skin and the woman next to me is snoring.

So I did not find my beach. I tried to think about why I was there, again conquering my fear of needles. I was there for fluffy lining. I was there for the smiling faces in the IP profile. I was there for the little embyro who needs a snuggly place to nestle in for 40 weeks.

The hour went by fairly quickly, but since Snoring Lady was there first, the acupuncturist had to take her needles out first. Imagine my surprise when he turns the table lamp on, and Snoring Lady has needles STICKING OUT OF HER NOSE AND FOREHEAD. I tried not to stare, but it was difficult. Especially when she stood up and I got a nice shot of Snoring Lady with no pants on. Somehow we are working on my uterus and I managed to stay covered?! No judgement, Snoring Lady. If Justin Timberlake was on my beach, I would not be wearing pants either.

Finally, it was my turn. And once again, the ankle needles bothered me the most. It's a hard sensation to describe, but I didn't like it. My ankles felt sore, like I'd hit a nerve. Especially the right one. It's now been three days and I can still feel it. Like a sprain. I don't know if that's supposed to happen or not, but if it helps any with my lining, it will all be worth it.

Tomorrow morning is my ultrasound. Send all your fluffy vibes my way, and also send out some positive vibes for Snoring Lady, for whatever ailment required needles in her nose!

Sigh....

Well, that appointment didn't go well.

I knew the results right away, but I was waiting to let you all know until after I heard from the IF's clinic.

Every party has a pooper, and that's me today. Thank goodness there was plenty of Halloween candy to munch on, plus my sister-in-law dragged me to McDonald's, then force fed me an ice cream sundae with hot fudge. And caramel. And extra. Of both.

So I'm just going to lay it all out here, because I don't really know what to think at this point. I'm feeling so many things--discouraged, frustrated, sad, apologetic--that I'm not up for blogging with witty comments or funny jokes. No fluff today. (Ha! You got one out of me.)

My lining only measured a 5.35mm. The tech said only a 5, but I saw the measurement on the screen, and I'm keeping the extra 0.35mm. I worked VERY HARD for that. Even if it's not nearly enough. All hope was not completely lost though, as I did have what appeared to be the triple stripe pattern. Which means that although it wasn't a thick lining, it was a healthy one. Some RE's feel the triple stripe is more important than the actual thickness, but let's face it. A  5  5.35 is still not enough.

The nurse from the clinic in Connecticut called me a couple of hours ago. She said they spoke to the guys, and they were willing to cover the cost of an additional estrogen medication as well as one more ultrasound. This makes me love them even more, which makes this even harder if it doesn't work. So I'm supposed to continue with the Delestrogen injections, and also start Smurfing one Estrace pill every evening. I will have one more lining check on Monday, and the nurse said, "If you're not closer to like an 8, that will be the end of the road unfortunately."

They were going to have the prescription shipped to me from the fertility pharmacy in New England, so that the IF's could pay for it. But that seemed like a ridiculous expense for them to pay for overnight shipping on a prescription that's on the $4 generic list at Target. Plus, I wouldn't get it until Friday. So I just asked the nurse to call it in to my local CVS, so I can go pick it up and start it tonight. I don't mind paying for it...it's a small price and if I can save them any little out of pocket costs with everything they're doing for me, I'd like to try.

So that's where I am. Feeling hopeful and crushed at the same time. I've done everything I possibly can and then some, but there seems to be very little comfort in that.

Delestrogen Injection Video!

Tonight was my last Delestrogen injection before my final lining check tomorrow, so I decided I'd record it for my blog readers. A 9 minute video with nervous chatter and butt crack--how lucky are you?!

Think fluffy thoughts for me tomorrow!

The Green Eyed Monster

I'm jealous.

There. I said it.

Over the last several months, since I started down this surrogacy road, I have watched on online forums and message boards as surrogates have applied, been accepted, completed contracts, cycled, transferred, and gotten pregnant. Some are even approaching their due date already.

I am so happy for all of these women and their intended parents. I just thought I'd be one of them by now. I thought I'd be planning my Halloween costume around a pregnant belly. Before our transfer was cancelled in July, I didn't even know that thin lining was a thing. I just thought, "Well, I want to be a surrogate. I want to help. I got pregnant easily, and I had great pregnancies, and I did pretty well at labor and delivery. So that's it. I'll have an embryo transfer, get pregnant, and create a family." Of course, things don't always go as smoothly as we hope, but I thought maybe the tough times would come AFTER a transfer. Maybe it wouldn't stick the first time. Maybe I'd have some of the spotting that's common in IVF. I never thought maybe my lining won't get fluffy.

Just last week, a newbie surro introduced herself on the board I frequent daily. She has been matched, but has not completed her contracts yet. Her RE decided to send her for a mid-cycle lining check just to see how she does without any hormone medications. She was feeling a little anxious about it, because she just had her IUD removed on October 10th, and then started AF a week later. Some of us were sharing her anxiety, because her ultrasound was scheduled on Day 10 of her cycle, several days earlier than what would really be considered "mid-cycle." Not to mention this was her very first cycle since having her IUD removed. She was looking for home remedies just in case, anything she could do that might help. I shared with her my laundry list that's everything short of voodoo.

Turns out, she didn't need to worry. Her ultrasound showed her lining at 11mm.

Lots of girls congratulated her. But I didn't.

There were a lot of exclamation points and happy faces. But not mine.

It's not that I don't want it for her (and all of the other girls). It's just that I want it for me too. I want this mock cycle to work so badly. I had a dream, and I'm pursuing the dream, and it's possible I won't achieve the dream. I have not given up...I don't know if the Delestrogen is working, and I won't until November 6th. But it's hard not to worry, and wonder, and doubt. I just don't understand why my uterus has been so stubborn and uncooperative. Said uterus is likely pissed at me right now for calling her a few names over the last three months. Suck it up, uterus. GO FLUFF YOURSELF!

Like A Boss!!!

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but...

Oh, wait.

YES, I DO!!!

Last night was my first Delestrogen injection, and pardon my Français, but I totally rocked that bitch. I was terrified, to say the least, and these giant needles almost kept me from attempting surrogacy in the first place. The anticipation is far worse than the actual injection. Of course, I completely realize I may change my tune after doing several of these, and I also realize that they are only twice a week. But for right now, knowing that I managed to give this injection to myself with minimal stalling...well, I'm feeling like a bad ass!

Most surrogates eventually experience the daily PIO shots (progesterone), and the Delestrogen is very similar. Same size needles, same injection location. So for months, I have been reading every blog entry or article I can find on these intramuscular injections, as well as watching YouTube videos. Some were very helpful, some scared the daylights out of me. I tried to pull tidbits of advice from many different areas to create my own regimen, and I paid special attention to the recommendations from surrogates who did the injections themselves (most have their husband do it for them--mine is a certified weenie).

I used the wider 18 gauge needle to draw the Delestrogen into the syringe. For me, the dose is 0.2 mL.

Then I removed the needle and put the syringe in a hot wash cloth until it was a little bit warm. The medicine is mixed with oil, so slightly warming it allows it to become thinner and inject easier. I attached the 22 gauge needle, which is a little thinner but still just as long.

These pictures do not do these needles justice. Also, I have read several stories of surrogates who used the 18 gauge to draw up the medicine AND INJECT IT. They went weeks without realizing they were supposed to draw with one and inject with a different one. OUCH.

I'm borrowing the comparison picture below from my surro sister Alvina. The top needle is the one you use to draw up the meds, the middle needle is the one used to inject, and the bottom needle is the one used for the Lupron shots (which were the only ones I'd done until now).

I spent the most amount of time trying to figure out the right spot to do the actual injection. We all joke about them being "butt shots," but they're actually more like your hip. Doing it in the wrong area can cause a lot of unnecessary pain, which I was determined to avoid. Doing it in your thigh is an option, but I've been told over and over again, by surrogates and nurses, that usually someone will try that once and then never try it again. Not unless you want to drag your leg around for two days.

I kept this image in my mind when I was prepping my skin. Pretty much if you put your hands on your hips, it's where your thumbs hit.

I'd like to Photoshop some cellulite on that butt,

but I'll let her slide since at least her thighs are touching.

I iced first for just a couple of minutes, stood on my left leg so my right side was relaxed, made sure the hole in the tip of the needle was facing up, and then took SEVERAL deep breaths before finally doing it. It seriously went right in, no pain at all. Again, I hate when people say this, but I didn't even feel anything (I'm sure I'll be eating my words eventually). I pulled back on the syringe to make sure there was no blood (if there was, it meant I hit a vein and needed to start over), and then slowly injected the medication. Fortunately, with Delestrogen, there's not much to inject! I conquered a major fear of mine, and I am still super proud of myself!

Also, I had my first monitoring appointment on Monday. Everything looked great, ovaries were quiet and lining was a 2.8. Now it just needs to get fluffy before my ultrasound on November 6th!

Pharmacy Oops

My mock cycle meds were supposed to arrive this morning, but they still aren't here. I just called the fertility pharmacy, and a mistake had been made and they still haven't shipped! I need these by Tuesday--good thing I didn't wait to call!

I'm Being Mocked

Things have been really busy around here this last week (something about having a husband and two small children will do that to you), so I haven't been able to give you an update until now!

The guys agreed to the short term contract drafted by the legal department at the surrogacy agency, and they got it all finished in time to catch the cycle I was about to start! So I officially began the mock cycle on Saturday!

For now, it's rather uneventful, just a birth control pill every day. But once I take the last BCP this Friday, the mock cycle will be in full swing!

All of my monitoring appointments have been scheduled, and my first one is on Monday. They will do blood work and an ultrasound to check for suppression of my ovaries and a thin lining--the only time we actually WANT to see that! The next day, Tuesday the 22nd, I will begin my twice a week Delestrogen intramuscular injections.

YIKES.

Getting really nervous about these, and I know my nerves now are nothing compared to what they will be Tuesday night. Most surrogates have their husband give them the shot, but since mine nearly passed out from just looking at the tiny Lupron needle, I think I'm on my own with this one. The box of meds is supposed to arrive from the pharmacy tomorrow. I have to admit, a part of me is excited to get started on the injections again, because I feel like an official surrogate when I'm cycling. But this cycle does not involve tiny needles in belly fat, and it does not result in an adorable little embryo being transferred at the end. However, I am so glad that the guys have been willing to take a chance on me and allow me to do this mock cycle in order to be their surrogate!

There's a voice in my head that is worried this still won't be enough, but I'm trying to shut her up. Final mock cycle ultrasound won't be until early November. Until then, I'm continuing with all the home remedies I've mentioned before, and I'm drinking water like it's going out of style.

THIS HAS TO WORK.

It just has to.

Moving Forward!

I heard back from my agency that the IF's want to do a medicated mock cycle at their expense! They understand (and so do I) that this is out of the typical order of things, and would normally have contracts in place before this step, but we won't this time. More than one agency has told me that they've had cases where the surrogate has to pay for the entire mock cycle and monitoring herself because of her lining, before they will even consider matching her. So, given that this is not costing me anything out of pocket, I'm doing it. I am so grateful to these IF's for being willing to take a chance on me. I hope my uterus doesn't let them down!

All this being said, I did request that the agency have their legal department draft a document stating that the IF's are responsible for all medications, monitoring, and complications associated with the mock cycle. The IF's will sign it, and I feel comfortable with this. Ideally, I would have preferred to have contracts done first, but thinking about growing a relationship with them over months and then finding out that they can't use me as a surrogate because my lining won't respond...well, I already went through that heartache once, and if I can avoid it again, then that sounds good to me. I even said just a few weeks ago that I wish I could do a medicated mock cycle so the RE would approve me. Here's my chance!

Yes Means Yes, No Means No

And so no answer means.....maybe?

Still no official word from the potential IF's fertility clinic yet on whether they will approve me to proceed with surrogacy. They asked a lot of questions about my previous cycles and protocol on Monday, but still have not said yes or no. My agency said that the IF's love, love, love my profile and feel I would be the perfect match for them. But the fertility clinic needs to discuss my lining difficulties and determine if a medicated mock cycle before we are officially matched would be an option.

So until then, I am patiently waiting for the clinic to talk to the guys. Or not patiently, whatever. I check my phone 57,000 times a day, groaning every time I see the one new email is just another Living Social deal.

Waiting, waiting, waiting....

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock....

What To Do???

The agency just emailed me to let me know the clinic asked for another ultrasound on Tuesday and estradiol. She said she told them I am paying out of pocket and already out $500. She told them they had the report showing the lining of 7.4 and that should be sufficient. She is trying to fight for me to be with these IF's, but it may not be enough.

I don't know if the clinic is aware that I did estradiol with the 7.4 cycle. If they are, I don't know why they're asking me to do the same thing again. And it seems a little late to start estradiol this cycle. I don't even have any and it requires a prescription. What good can it do for only a day or two, and already midway through a cycle?!

This sucks.

Here We Go Again...AGAIN

Ultrasound was this morning. And I measured a whopping 4.04 mm.

Is it possible to be mad at a uterus? Because I am.

Believe me when I say I was a hot mess on the way home from that appointment.

I really don't know what to make of all this. I'm on day 12 of my cycle, and the last two months I've ovulated on day 13. But the nurse said my ovaries looked very quiet and it did not look like I was going to ovulate any time soon. However, there's no blood work being done to confirm whether or not I'm ovulating, and she said something like the average woman under the age of 30 doesn't ovulate two months out of the year, and that it's possibly even more frequent for someone over 30 (I'm 32). So am I just not ovulating this month? Because if I'm not, or it's too early in my cycle, than this ultrasound pretty much doesn't tell us anything.

All I know is that I REALLY like these potential IF's. I think we could be an amazing match, and I really hate to lose them because their clinic won't approve me. I'm still really hoping the clinic will take into consideration the fact that I got up to a 7.4 mm last cycle on estrogen meds. I hate that I can't do real medicated mock cycles without being matched and under contract. I just want to be given a chance to do the larger dose of estrogen, or try a different method like patches or injections. Time and time again, surrogates have told me that the oral estrogen tablets didn't work for them. They only responded to another method, and I haven't been given a chance to even TRY another method. The nurse today even told me their clinic doesn't even use oral estrogen, because it just doesn't work well.

It'd be different if I had difficulty with fertility in my own life, but I didn't. At all. No miscarriages and no difficulty conceiving. I got pregnant on the first try with both of my girls. We joke that if my husband bumped in to me in the hallway, I'd get pregnant.

Last month's ultrasound proved that on the right dose of medications, my lining does respond. Using another method might work even better. I hope their RE can see that. I wish so bad that these IF's were with Dr. Doyle, since he's already approved me and is ready to work with me. I just don't know what else I can do. This is all so upsetting and frustrating.

Hey Girl....Nice Uterus!!!

Whose uterus has proven her loveliness?!?!?!?!

This girl, right here!!!

My ultrasound measured my uterine lining at 7.4 mm!!! That's the highest it's ever been and would have been high enough by my former RE's standards to do an embryo transfer!

The office was playing the typical elevator music, and I swear this is all I wanted to do as I walked past the nurses....

In addition to the home remedies, I also used the Estrace prescribed for my previous medicated cycle. Instead of using it twice a day, I did it three times a day (which is what the prescription label said anyway). This just goes to show that with a tweak in my meds, we could have gotten where we needed to be to transfer.

As excited as I am right now, it's a little bittersweet too. We could have still been on track for an early October embryo transfer, like we planned. Instead, I am signing on with a new agency and hoping to be rematched soon, and J&S are (I'm assuming) being rematched and will then be going through the entire surrogate screening process (MMPI psych exam, medical screening in CT, etc.) again. But everything happens for a reason, and I will be matched with amazing IF's soon, I know it! I have had weeks of sleepless nights since my match was "broken" and I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight! I am so glad that I didn't give up on my dream of being a surrogate!

Stupid Fluffy Bunny.

Well, the bunny I previously posted didn't have any fluffy magical powers.

I just had the ultrasound to check the thickness of my lining for our mock cycle (natural, no meds). It only measured 4.87 mm. Pretty much the same as it was when I was taking estradiol before our canceled transfer last month. So now tomorrow I have to go to my OB for an endometrial biopsy.

I am so disappointed in my body, scared of tomorrow's procedure and what it will say, and confused as to why is this happening. What if I can't be a surrogate because of this? I'm sure Dr. Lavy knows what he's doing, but I want to know why other surros are on several estrogen pills a day plus patches plus vaginal supps plus baby aspirin...some even on delestrogen injections. Why did I only have two estradiol pills a day during my medicated cycle?

This sucks. :(

P.S. I do not recommend Google imaging "shaved bunny." Unless you're in the mood for a little internet porn. Then by all means, Google away, my friend!

UPDATE: The RE's office called to say they'd prefer I have the biopsy done on Friday, since that will be 10 days after ovulation, which is consistent with the implantation date in a natural cycle. Fortunately, my OB's office was very accommodating and rescheduled my appointment for Friday morning. Unfortunately, that gives me two extra days to worry about it! I just want to get it over with!

Ultrasound is Today!

Just got off the phone with the monitoring clinic. They opened at 8am, I called at 8:03. :) they were able to honor my request for a 10am ultrasound, so yay! That means I can finish here at the GI office for Emily, take each of them to school, and then go to the ultrasound with no noisy children beautiful angels in tow. And I'll be done in time to pick the little one up from pre-K and take her to swimming lessons. Whew.

Now think fluffy, think fluffy, think fluffy......

The Big O

Ovulation, that is. Shame on you, you filthy minded person. Who thinks just like me. :)

Last week I was pee stick crazy, checking every morning to see if I was ovulating yet. I'd gotten a very light line on CD13, and then a darkish line on CD14. However, the darkish line still wasn't quite as dark as the control line, so it was technically considered a negative. I texted J&S a picture of my "almost positive" and said I was sure that the next day would be a nice dark line.

So imagine my surprise when I POAS the next morning and the line is barely even visible. Apparently, I wasn't pee stick crazy enough.

Cue surrogate panic mode.

I start emailing and calling my IVF clinic to tell them that I think I missed my ovulation by only testing in the morning (following directions!), and I suspect it was actually the evening of CD13, the night before the darkish line appeared. They wrote back with a "Great! We'll call you this afternoon." Clearly, the multitude of exclamation points and capital letters did not convey that I was freaking out over here!

Finally Dr. Lavy's office called and said they were going to send me for blood work ONLY (no ultrasound) since I never had a definite positive. I went the next morning, Friday, first thing in the morning so they could get the results back right away. Turns out I DID ovulate! Now I have to get in for an ultrasound and possibly a biopsy, no later than this Wednesday. They prefer tomorrow.

Which is where things started to get crazy.

Turns out my monitoring clinic won't perform the biopsy. I don't know why, but I'm assuming it's because I'm just there for monitoring, and not an actual patient. I gave the RE the name and number of another fertility clinic here. Same response. I left a message for my regular OB, Dr. B, (who is already aware of my surrogacy) hoping he would agree to do it. But a few hours went by, and I hadn't heard back.

Cue surrogate panic mode. Again.

If everyone was saying no, what was I going to do? We don't have time to waste. This has to be done at a certain point in my cycle. I even called the OB who delivered my first daughter. Big fat no. I was about to call the gyno I saw when I was a teenager. But he's apparently no longer practicing. Did I mention all this was going on during the first day of school for my kids? And swimming lessons? And ballet? I imagined I looked pretty crazy standing in the corner of the dance studio on my cell phone, explaining about surrogacy and transvaginal ultrasounds and endometrial biopsies.

Right when I was ready to start calling random OB's in the area, I heard back from Dr. B's office. He agreed to do the biopsy (if necessary) Wednesday morning. Unfortunately, I still don't have an ultrasound scheduled. Orders were faxed to my monitoring clinic, but they were already closed. So my RE wants me to go tomorrow morning, but the clinic won't even get the orders until then. Tomorrow is also school (different drop off and pick up times for my daughters), swimming lessons, and a GI appointment for my oldest daughter. Oy vey.

Deep breath. Fluffy thoughts. I can do this.

That's a bunny. I think.

Anyway, it's super fluffy.

Gotta Love Him

How do you know your husband's right by your side during your surrogacy journey?

When he comes home from a 12 hour day of work, gives you a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then without so much as a hello, asks "Did you ovulate yet?"

He gets another awesome husband point for trying not to look grossed out when I explained that I hadn't gotten a positive test yet, but I knew I would soon because I'd had EWCM all day.

Google it if you must. And try not to look grossed out. :)