All Aboard the Hot Mess Express

That's me right now.

Full speed ahead on the Hot Mess Express.

Whiny, bitchy, constantly on the verge of tears.

You've been warned. Proceed with caution.

Rant #1: My husband started a new job last week. The TV repair shop he worked at previously is struggling to stay relative in an age where it usually makes more sense to replace electronics rather than repair them. So after three years of hanging in there while his hours continued to be cut, he finally had to look for something else. Supporting a family of four on 28 hours a week was just not going to work. So we were thrilled when this new job came along. It promised better pay, benefits, and more job security. The hours can vary day to day, but we figured that was a small sacrifice in order to finally get his first pay increase in 10 years. Small sacrifice...ha! I pretty much have not seen my husband since Sunday. We are all asleep when he leaves in the morning and the girls are asleep when he gets home. I am eating Ramen soup alone for dinner, since I'm not cooking a meal for just me. He is getting home and skipping dinner, because he can barely make it to our bed before falling asleep. This is not what we signed up for. This is not worth any amount of money. I enjoy my husband's company and the girls love their daddy to pieces...this is killing us. I am trying to be tough and think positive, but I continue to find myself crying instead. A lot. It's not pretty at times.

Rant #2: After filing bankruptcy 9 years ago, we cannot stand having credit card debt. It makes us nervous. We have one credit card, and the first thing we do with our tax return every year is pay off the credit card debt. We did that this year. And then Austin's hours were cut. And then they were cut again. So now here we are just a few months after being credit card debt free, and the credit card is about 75% maxed out. I am beyond frustrated. You would think that being worried about Rant #2 would make me not so upset about Rant #1. Apparently it doesn't work that way.

Rant #3: I am pumped full of hormones. I am still doing daily Lupron injections, which were REALLY starting to hurt. I know any surrogates doing PIO shots want to punch me in the head right now, but it started feeling as if I was injecting into sore, bruised areas each time. I was switching sides on my stomach, and making sure to insert the needle at a 90 degree angle, but it didn't matter. After about 4 days of that, I decided to try icing the area first. It's totally working! I just hold the girls' Dora the Explorer ice pack on my stomach for a couple of minutes while I'm getting everything else prepped.

Muchas gracias, Dora.

Continuation of Rant #3: (Haha, did you think I was done?!) So, I don't think I've been having any side effects from the Lupron, but you'd have to ask my husband. And he's never here now. :P  The estrogen pills, however, are allowing me to feel menopausal symptoms at the ripe old age of 32. I am having hot flashes and night sweats, and perhaps it's why I am crying so much about Austin being gone? I don't mind it, because it's all for a wonderful cause, but it's certainly contributing to me being a total hot mess right now.

Get it? Hot mess? Hot flashes?

I'm here all week, folks.