We Are Officially Cycling!

Last night I started the first of my cycle medications, the Lupron injections!

Wait, did I actually just end that sentence with an exclamation point?

I've been so excited to get these cycle meds started, I stopped being anxious about the injections a while ago. That is, until yesterday afternoon. As the day went on, and my errands and mommy chores began to wrap up, I started getting really nervous. And mean and bitchy. I was folding laundry in the bedroom (away from my family in an effort to spare them from my bitchiness), and I texted Jeni to let her know I was starting to freak out. The idea of poking a needle through my skin and injecting a medication seemed like a ridiculous concept.

Clearly, I would not make a very good drug addict.

So once Jeni was done laughing at me, she realized it was already 5:30 in the evening and started trying to convince me to just get it over with now. That made my nerves go from "My tummy has crazy butterflies" to "I'm about to puke and may also shit my pants simultaneously." Finally, I agreed it was time to just do it! I gathered all of the supplies together, and Austin and I locked ourselves in the bathroom.

Lupron, syringe, alcohol swabs, and of course,

chocolate to reward my awesomeness!

Austin sat on the edge of the tub, while I cleaned the top of the bottle with an alcohol swab. I took the cap off the syringe, and held it up to look at the tiny needle. "It's so tiny and thin, you have to really focus on it in order to even see it," I said. I glanced over at Austin, saw his face, and immediately said, "GET OUT!"

Now it was my turn to laugh. He was already looking pale and clammy, and all I'd done was take off the cap.

"I wanna be here to support you," he insisted.

"I'm way better than you are right now. Get out. GET OUT!" I laughed.

He didn't need any more insistence. He scurried out calling over his shoulder, "I'll sit right outside the door!"

Jeni called me on FaceTime (like Skype for iPhone) and I propped the phone up so she could watch. I'm so glad she did that, because I knew she couldn't sit on the phone with me forever, so I couldn't stall for several minutes (or hours). I dosed the medication into the syringe, and then I cleaned my skin with the alcohol swab, fanning it (for a looooong while) to make sure it was good and dry. With Jeni on my phone telling me how brave I was, and Austin in the hallway shouting "You can do it babe!" through the closed bathroom door (seriously, lmao), I pinched my skin on my stomach, hesitated for maybe a minute, and then....

 I DID IT!!!!

It was so easy! I didn't even feel it! Trust me, I absolutely hated it when people kept telling me you don't feel it, but I really didn't feel anything. I pushed the needle in slowly, and it just sinks right through the skin with very little effort. I was shocked at how easy it was, and super proud of myself.

Beep Beep!

(That's me tooting my own horn.)

I rewarded myself with a piece of chocolate, plus one four more for conquering a fear that almost caused me to back out of my dream of being a surrogate. I've already done my injection tonight, and I didn't even wait until Austin got home from work (because really, what good would that do?!). Everything went awesome again tonight, and I may or may not have said out loud "I totally rocked that bitch!"

I didn't get any pictures last night because I was so focused on just getting it done, so these are from tonight.

The tiny needle with the Lupron in the syringe!

And here is a picture of me, the girl who is scared of needles, 

sticking a needle into my stomach! Woot woot!

Hahahaha....Austin just walked in while this picture was up on the monitor, and he made some kind of unintelligible noise and walked right back out. I guess it's a good thing for BOTH of us I don't have to do the PIO shots!

My Meds Arrived!!!

I never thought I would be so excited to see a big box on my doorstep (which was clearly labeled "leave in carport"--super job, FedEx guy), knowing that the box contains a bunch of sharp needles and vaginal suppositories! Receiving the box of medications is a huge step in the surrogacy process, and it means we are one step closer to creating a family for J&S!

Of course, I had to take everything out of the box to see it all...

There are 5 boxes of Crinone (progesterone suppositories), one bottle of Estrace (oral estrogen), one vial of Lupron for sub-cutaneous injections, 28 syringes with tiny needles (but plenty big enough for me), alcohol swabs, and a sharps container for discarding syringes. I'm not starting the meds just yet, since we are waiting on the egg donor to start her cycle. Based on estimates right now, it look like I may start the Lupron injections around June 17th, then the Estrace on June 28th. I'll start the Crinone just a couple of days before the embryo transfer, which looks like it will take place the week of July 15th! I have been told to stay on active birth control pills from now on! We are all so excited!

If you're wondering, here is a little about what each of these medications does in the surrogacy process:

Birth Control Pills (BCP): BCPs keep me from getting pregnant with my own child right now (obviously), but they are also used to synchronize my cycle with the egg donor's. Because I've now been told to stay only on active pills, I will immediately start a new pack once I reach the placebo pills. This will hold off my period, allowing me to then sync my cycle with the ED.

Lupron:  Lupron is a daily subcutaneous (just under the skin) injection used to shut down my body's normal hormone production so the doctors can control my cycle and be sure my uterus is ready to receive the embryos at the exact time for the best chance of success.

Estrace: Estrace is an oral estrogen pill (can also be a patch, cream, or injections) taken 3 times a day. It is used to cause the lining of my uterus to become thick to prepare for the upcoming implantation of the embryo. The little emby needs a soft, fluffy place to nestle in!

Crinone: Crinone is a progesterone gel, inserted vaginally (I feel the need to clarify, for my husband's sake. If you missed that post, it's right here) twice a day. Progesterone is used to help the embryo to implant, and then continued to simulate a natural pregnancy. It is usually started the day of the egg donor's retrieval, and is continued through the 12th week of pregnancy. Often, surrogates use progesterone in oil (PIO), which is injected intra-muscularly in your butt. With a needle that absolutely terrified me and almost caused me to back out of the surrogacy process in the very beginning. But I decided I wanted to do this more than I was scared of the needles, so I put on my big girl panties and decided to just deal with it. Turns out my IVF clinic tends to use the gel as opposed to the injections. :)

Sources: Information on Surrogacy, Surrogate Mothers Online, Love Makes a Family

Medical Screening Complete!

On our second day in Connecticut, we had an early morning appointment at the IVF clinic for our medical screening. Austin just needed to do the blood test and a urine sample (and yet he still managed to whine about it...thank goodness men don't give birth). I also had the blood test and urine sample done, and the nurse said the blood work would take about a week to get the results back. They're testing for sexually transmitted diseases so I know everything will come back fine. If it doesn't, a certain husband has some 'splainin to do. ;)

We spent some time talking to the clinic's surrogacy coordinator, Shantai, and she was so nice. She's also an egg donor, so it was nice to have someone in the clinic with first-hand knowledge of the medications. We also got to meet Dr. L, the IVF doctor, and he was so great! Everyone was so friendly, and I loved how they knew who my IP's were and knew who they are as people, not just patients. Shantai explained the surrogacy meds I would need (I started prenatal vitamins last night!), and then showed us the needle for the Lupron (which was super tiny like I expected). I haven't been nervous about those shots in a while now (which I'm sure will change when it's time to actually poke the needle into my stomach), but I was still really nervous about the Progesterone In Oil (PIO) shots. Those needles are significantly bigger, and have to be given into the muscle in your butt. So, I should have been jumping for joy when she informed me that their clinic uses Crinone instead...a progesterone suppository that's inserted vaginally.

There was no joyful jumping.

I actually felt sad.

What?! I know, right?!

I just couldn't shake this feeling that I am somehow less of a "real" surrogate because I'm not doing the painful butt injections. I'm sure it sounds silly, but I feel like I'm skipping some sort of surrogate hazing or initiation. Like I'm taking the easy way out. There was actually a moment where I wanted to say no thank you, I'd rather have the shots. I shared my feelings with Shantai, and she looked horrified and said "In absolutely no way are you any less of a surrogate because you're not doing the PIO injections!" I've read a few stories on blogs about surrogates who say they much prefer the injections over the suppositories, so I asked her about that. She said it's about 50/50. Some women prefer the shots because of the mess and irritation that can come with using the suppositories. Also, the suppositories are done two or three times a day, as opposed to just one injection. But of course, there are so many women who complain that the PIO injections leave them bruised, unable to walk or sit from the soreness, they have hard lumps and bumps, and the anxiety is sometimes hard to overcome.

I must have looked lost in thought and torn in my decision, because right then, Austin pipes up with, "Do you have a progesterone needle you can show her?" Shantai hesitated and said, "Yes, but I don't think I want to show you...." Austin said, "No, I want her to see it in person. I want her to remember what it looks like, when she's back in Florida and getting tired of the suppositories and considering switching to injections."

Holy cannoli, that needle was huge.

I'm so glad he did that (I knew I kept him around for something!), and I feel more confident in my decision to choose the suppositories. Either choice is going to be annoying and sucky anyway, so I might as well pick the one that's not painful! I still have this lingering less-of-a-surrogate feeling, but I'm hoping that goes away soon. I was still feeling a little down at the clinic, but fortunately Austin fixed that for me. We were sitting together in the waiting area, and quietly talking about my feeling this way. He was being so nice and supportive, and says to me, "I'd much rather you stick something up your butt than have to get an injection."

Thank god I wasn't drinking water...I would have shot it across the room!

"What in the hell are you talking about?!" I said. "You know," he said. "The suppositories. In your butt." I started hysterically laughing at the confused look on his face and said, "Um, I think you missed a key word in that hour long conversation. You missed it about 27 times. VAGINAL! Vaginal suppositories!" To which he responded, "OOOOhhhhh. Okay."

In his defense, my best friend did the exact same thing when I told her today. :)

So now his misunderstanding has cheered me up, and it was time for the saline ultrasound of my uterus. Also known as my date with the weenie wand. Which did not live up to my expectations.

Oh, weenie wand, I'm so disappointed in you.

You merely looked like a stick. How pathetic.

But once again, my husband saved the day. Because hanging next to this so-called weenie wand was a huge bag of condoms. You would have thought Austin was 16 years old again. He thought it was so funny, and I didn't dare make eye contact with him when the nurse practitioner was putting a condom on the weenie wand. I knew we'd both lose all composure!

The ultrasound was over pretty quickly, and it wasn't TOO bad. Pretty uncomfortable, lots of cramping and pressure, but nothing too horrible. The best part was when the nurse said, "My dear, you have a lovely uterus!" Why, thank you. :) I had some cramping the rest of the day and the flight home, but I never even had to take any Motrin, so that's good! My medical screening was successful and we had an amazing trip!

It's just too bad I didn't get a great weenie wand picture.

But I did get this one.