Introducing my IP's!

WHAT?!?! I was reading my last few posts, and realized I never updated you guys on the biggest news ever...we are officially matched!!! In my defense, I did do an excited all-caps shout-it-from-the-rooftops Facebook status last week. :)

So yes...the very first profile we received turned out to be a perfect match! They love us, we love them, and we are all in a little bit of disbelief how well this has worked out. Kudos to our social worker at Circle and her incredible matching skills. They really know what they are doing over there!

We now have a journey coordinator, who will guide us through the rest of this surrogacy experience. I spoke with her on Friday morning while she was on lockdown in her Boston home (scary!!), and she explained that the next step for me will be traveling to the IVF clinic in Connecticut for my medical screening appointment. This is a quick trip, just overnight, and Austin will also be going to have lab work done as well. The only thing that has me nervous about this appointment is the flying. I have been on a plane 3 times in my life (well, I guess 6 if you count the return flight) and the last time was about 12 years ago. The scariest thing at that time was the flying--now of course, there's a lot more things to worry about! Yikes. I'm trying not to think about it all, but it's hard not to with the Boston tragedies this week. Anyway, our information has also been provided to the agency's legal team, who will spend the next 4 weeks or so drafting up our carrier agreement. We can't begin any IVF medications or anything like that until the contract is finalized.

We Skyped with the guys again this morning and have been emailing back and forth all week. I double-checked with them again to make sure they were okay with me revealing just a tiny bit of information about them on my blog. I wish I could share more with you, because some of you have expressed that you are dying for details, but I can't share much before we have completed our carrier agreement. So here's just a little taste to get you by until then...

INTRODUCING S & J!!!!!

Don't laugh! I can't share a picture yet, so this is all you get for now.

I assure you they are way more adorable when they aren't in clip art form.

And yes, they already have a son. :)

They live in Sweden!

Thank you for your amazing education, Florida public school system...

This straight-A student had to Google it just to know for sure where Sweden was on the map.

S was born and raised in Italy, while J is originally from Sweden. They are in their 30's and are both smart, successful, funny, and friendly. Hooray for awesome daddies!

We are hoping to have a standing Skype date on Sunday mornings, sometimes the 6 hour time difference makes things a little tricky. Last week I was Skyping with J, and my 4 year old Madi was sitting with me. It was late afternoon here, which means it was dark in Sweden. J was trying to explain to Madi that it was already nighttime where he was. She was baffled by this, so he took the iPad out on the balcony, and held it so she could see the black sky and the moon. She said, "Ohhhhh, I like your moon!" How funny is that?! I tried to explain that it's the same moon we have, but even as an adult, it's hard for me to wrap my head around that concept. :)

The kids tend to monopolize the screen when we do the family Skype calls, so us grown-ups don't get much talking in. But it's so fun for my entire family to be able to interact with their family, even though we are 4,600 miles away from each other! That's pretty amazing!

Certifiably Not Crazy

I haven't had a chance yet to blog about the MMPI test I had to take last Friday! This was the last step in the application process, so I was excited to get it done! Unlike the other steps, I wasn't nervous about this one. You might remember from a previous post that I was actually looking forward to it. I've heard the questions can be interesting, so I was very curious to see for myself!

I did start to get a little worried when I tried to log in to the online meeting software to "meet" with the psychologist, and the site wouldn't let me log in to the meeting. After making a few phone calls to Circle, I talked to the psychologist and found out she was running late and hadn't yet logged in, making it so that I was unable to log in as well. Whew! Glad it wasn't me. :)

The MMPI stands for the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, and the version I took was actually called the MMPI-2RF, which is the new and improved version. It also has less questions than the original...so instead of 567 true/false questions, there are "only" 338 questions. This sounded very intimidating, but really didn't take long at all. The test checks 10 areas:

1. Concern with bodily symptoms
2. Depressive symptoms
3. Awareness of problems and vulnerabilities
4. Conflict, struggle, anger, respect for society's rules
5. Stereotypical masculine or feminine interests/behaviors
6. Level of trust, suspiciousness, sensitivity
7. Worry, anxiety, tension, doubts, obsessiveness
8. Odd thinking and social alientation
9. Level of excitability
10. People orientation

Dr. H watched me on the webcam the entire time, but she covered up her camera so it wouldn't get distracting seeing her out of the corner of my eye staring at me. So after a quick explanation by the psychologist about the test, it was time for me to get started!

Question #1:

"I like mechanics magazines."

Um, false.

Question #2:

"I think I would like the work of a librarian."

True! I'm a bookworm!

Question #3:

"Evil spirits possess me at times."

What?! Do I get points off for laughing?!

(My answer was false, by the way.)

The questions continued like this, with several that seemed pointless (not really, but you know what I mean) and then BAM! A crazy one was thrown in there! Here are some of the other questions I found quite interesting...

"My soul sometimes leaves my body."

"My hands and feet are almost always the temperature they are supposed to be."

"I used to like drop-the-hankerchief."  (Again, what?!?!)

"I see things or animals or people around me that others do not see."

Once I finished the test, Dr. H said she would be in touch if there were any responses she needed me to elaborate on, but otherwise, she didn't see anything so far that was of any concern. So that's it! Application process--done!

And because I know, after my previous post, many of you are wondering what happened when I got to the question about the "unusual sexual behaviors." Fortunately, the question was not written as subjectively as I'd heard it might be. It actually said:

"I have never been in trouble because of my sexual behaviors."

True! Hooray!

(Well...unless you count the time my stepmom walked in on us as teenagers...)  ;)

It's Here!!!

I officially have, in my hands, right now....

A PROFILE FOR INTENDED PARENTS!!!!

So far, the general consensus is....

I'M IN LOVE!!!

Thirteen pages, and I love all of it. I'm dying to share details, but can't yet, because we aren't officially matched. Right now, the IP's are going over my profile too. We both have about three days to look it all over and decide if we'd like to take the next step, which would be a Skype meeting. If we are both still ready to proceed after the Skype meeting, then we are considered officially matched!

I'm trying not to get too excited because just because I like them, doesn't mean they'll like me. But if they don't, that's okay...that means the perfect IP's are still out there!

Oh, and this Friday will be the last part of the application process for me...the MMPI test! I'm more curious than nervous about that one...I've researched and chatted with other surrogates who have taken this test, and some of the questions have really piqued my interest. Obviously, I plan on being completely truthful, but what about the questions that may be a little subjective?

Like "I engage in unusual sexual behaviors."

Are my only options "True" or "False?"

Or can I choose Option C...."Ummmmm.....unusual compared to.....can you give some examples???"

This should be fun. ;)

Totally Committed

I have been officially accepted as a surrogate with the agency!

Well, sort of.

That's what the letter of commitment I received stated in the beginning paragraph, but later added "Pending the results of the psychology testing."

Ah yes, that's probably important. They should definitely check to make sure I'm not discussing my surrogacy plans with any imaginary friends.

So after a very busy week, I have a lot to catch you up on! About 2 weeks ago, I posted a blog entry to let you know my medical records had been approved, and I was moving on to the screening process (as opposed to pre-screening). My surro friend, Jeni, who also happens to do the surrogate pre-screening process for the agency (a career I am very interested in, btw), commented on that post to give me the heads up that this part of the process would move very quickly. She was right! Two days later, I had my OB clearance appointment, and that same afternoon, I received two emails regarding the surrogacy process. One was informing me that I had been pre-authorized for maternity insurance. The other was from the agency's social worker, who was ready to schedule a two hour phone interview with me, and a one hour phone call with Austin.

I scheduled my call for Wednesday, April 3rd, and Austin's for Friday, April 5th. Both of my daughters are in school on Wednesday mornings, and I knew that would be the only way I could focus all of my attention on this interview. You know if my kids were home during this phone call, they would completely ignore me all morning playing contently by themselves until I answer the phone. Then some kind of child radar goes off, and they are instantly starving/fighting/whining/hot/cold/thirsty/bored/breaking things. All at once.

I was super nervous about this interview, and woke up early that morning because I was so nervous. Turns out, there was nothing to be nervous about. The social worker was so easy to talk to. The "interview" was her asking me questions about my life, and me telling her my stories. Questions like, "Tell me about your pregnancies and deliveries with your daughters." I haven't met a mom yet who doesn't like to share those stories! Or "Tell me how you met your husband and what your relationship is like." And "What are the reasons you decided to pursue surrogacy?" I'm the sort of story teller who likes to start at the beginning and tell the WHOLE story with all the details and quotes and what people were wearing (my best friend is nodding her head right now--you might be too, because of these blog posts). I think the social worker quickly realized she got more than she bargained for, because after a few of my responses, she politely said, "Well, I want to be mindful of the time, so...."

Our two hour conversation ended up being nearly three hours. Oops.

She talked to Austin on Friday, and apparently he wasn't nervous at all. Which, if you know my husband, means she had a hard time shutting him up too. :) They talked for about 90 minutes. I was baking and decorating all day for my youngest daughter's birthday, so I made Austin sit in the kitchen so I could listen to his end of the conversation. I found myself a couple of times quietly chiming in while he was talking, which I really didn't want to do! It was just so hard! But I stopped myself, just let him talk, and enjoyed listening to his perspective on a lot of the same questions. Some of the answers were so different from mine, it was hard not to laugh.

Like this one...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your husband."

Me: "I was a junior in high school. My best friend was a girl named Lisa, and she'd known Austin since 2nd grade. They lived in this little country town named Geneva, his mom even picked him up from school on their horse. He was driving home from the feed store with the bed of his truck full of hay. Lisa and I were talking with some friends, and here comes Austin, driving fast around the corner on the dirt road. He stopped to say hi to Lisa, and she introduced us. I remember being embarrassed to smile at him because I had just gotten my braces off that morning........" Etc. etc. etc.

Now Austin's turn...

Social Worker: "It sounds like you guys have been a couple since you were very young. Tell me how you met your wife."

Austin: "Through a mutual friend."

I'm still laughing at that one. ;)

Just a couple of hours after Austin's interview was complete, we received the commitment letter from the agency! The letter had several statements I needed to initial, confirming that I understand many of my responsibilities being a surrogate (giving yourself injections, traveling for procedures, etc.). I signed it and sent it back this morning. Some time this week, the social worker will set me up with the agency's psychologist for the MMPI test, and concurrently, she'll send me a profile of the first set of IP's!

The social worker mentioned a particular set of IP's several times that she seems to already have in mind for us. She didn't give me many details, and I'm not sure whether I can or should share the details here just yet, in case we aren't matched. So for now, I'll just reveal that it is an international same sex male couple! I'm excited to see what new information we get this week!

Cleared for Take Off

Starting off this post with two warnings.

Warning #1

This is a really long post.

Warning #2

This blog is about surrogacy, IVF, pregnancy, and childbirth. You will likely get TMI on many occasions. So all my husband's friends who think they want to read my blog, feel free...but you will encounter words like vagina, cervix, discharge, and placenta. Just sayin'.

Yesterday was my appointment for my well woman exam, and of course, to get my OB to sign the clearance letter stating that it's safe for me to pursue another pregnancy. I was excited to go to this visit, because I haven't seen this particular OB since my 6 week check up after giving birth to my youngest daughter...and she'll be 4 next week! Because I don't have health insurance, I've been going to the health department for my annual exams. Which is another reason I was excited to go to this visit...no health department this time! Woo hop!! (That's for you, Jeni!)

The office was in a new location since the last time I was there, but it was still the same awesome OB and his nurse. I filled out all the new patient paper work, but decided to hold on to my OB clearance letter until I could talk directly to the nurse or doctor. I spent my time in the waiting room (there was a lot of waiting--one of the only things I don't like about this office) texting two friends who are Circle surrogates, trying to figure out what questions I should ask the OB. We decided it would be a good idea to make sure the doctor knew that I would likely be carrying a baby for a same sex couple. I didn't want to get half way through my prenatal care, have my IP's come to an appointment, and find out the hard way that the OB is completely against surrogacy for gay men. I really didn't think this would be an issue, but again, I just didn't want to take any chances.

Nurse C (I'm not identifying names just yet) finally called me back, got my weight (after I insisted on removing my purse, sunglasses and iPhone) and blood pressure, and then brought me into an exam room. I explained to her that I wasn't just there for my exam, but also for a gestational surrogacy clearance. She lit up and said "Oh, what an amazing gift for someone! A surrogate...if you love being pregnant, then why not!" So obviously they will be fine with having a surrogate as a patient! I also mentioned to her that I wanted to go ahead and have my IUD removed, and she said, "Oh sure, no problem. He'll just find the little string and pop that thing right out." Huh. (That is NOT what happened).

She instructed me to put on the paper gown and the doctor would be in shortly. I smile politely, but I am laughing inside, because I have NEVER been in any OB/Gyn's office where they come in quickly. Here's what usually happens instead:

I get completely undressed, hiding my underwear in my folded clothes (like it really matters if Dr. B sees my underwear, given what he's about to do).

I sit on the bed, in a paper gown, freezing my ass off and realizing that women, too, experience shrinkage. (Do you know what happens to barely A-cup boobs when the AC is set on "Arctic?!" It's not flattering.)

I eyeball the magazines on the other side of the room, because inevitably, I always forget to grab one.

I sit there thinking, "This is soooo boring. You know you'll be sitting here a while. Get up and get a magazine."

Then I immediately think, "No! What if he walks in right when you're scurrying naked across the room trying to get a celebrity tabloid?!"

This time, I waited until I heard the doctor go into another patient room, then finally gathered up enough courage to jump up and grab my phone and a magazine (which I quickly tossed aside after all that, because I was too nervous to read). Dr. B comes in about 20 minutes later (I am frozen solid), and pretends like he remembers me from the last time I was there. It was nice of him. :) He started the exam, did the Pap, and everything was going normally.

Then it was time to remove the IUD.

I would just like to start out by saying I know there are PLENTY of women who are perfectly happy with their IUD's. It was no biggie getting it placed, and they've been happy with this contraceptive. I am NOT one of those women. I have one nice thing to say about it...I do get pregnant easily, and I did not get pregnant for the four years I've had the IUD, so clearly it did its job well. However, I experienced incredible pain when it was placed 4 years ago. Let me just point out that I have given birth to two children vaginally, one with a mild form of hydrocephalus, so her head was a decent size. I was a super champ at pushing those babies out, and I almost (keyword) went without an epidural both times. I was 8-9 cm and nearly ready to push by the time I asked for the epidural. So, I can handle some pain. But the placement of the IUD had me whimpering, crying, and inadvertently scooting up the bed to try and escape. That doctor at the time told me that it was THE hardest time he's ever had placing an IUD. Just as I expected, removing it was no different. Again, I was whimpering, tearing up, and digging my nails into my palms. It was excruciating. I could tell Dr. B was really struggling to remove it (the string even broke), but he finally succeeded. He quickly helped me sit up, apologizing the whole time for "putting me through that," and then said, "In my 24 years as a doctor, that was THE hardest time I've ever had removing an IUD."

Yep, sounds about right.

Apparently, I have a stenotic (narrow) cervix, which means I feel more than just a "slight cramping." Needless to say, I've now decided I will NOT be getting an IUD again when I'm done with this surrogacy. Ridiculously irregular/eternal periods and having to go through that pain every time it needs removed or replaced? No thank you, I'm back on the good old fashioned pill o' hormones now. And it's chewable, which impressed me. :)

Anyway, so the IUD is gone (good riddance), and now I get to talk to Dr. B about the surrogacy clearance letter. He reviews, completes, and signs the form, and I tell him that I have just two questions for him:

1. "Have you ever had a surrogate as a patient, and are you okay with having one?"

Dr. B says that he has not seen a surrogate for her prenatal care, but he did deliver twins for a surrogate when she went in labor while he was the on-call doctor. He sees no issue with having a surrogate as his patient.

2. "I feel a little weird asking this one, but I just need to make sure. Are you okay with the intended parents likely being a same sex couple?"

Dr. B smiles his sweet smile and says, "No...it's fine." He continues smiling at me for several seconds, while I try to fill the silence by explaining that I don't know yet who I will be matched with, but my preference is to help two men become daddies, and I just wanted to make sure he knew that up front so there are no surprises. He smiles at me a little more, tips his head slightly to the side, puts his hand on his chest, and says, "I myself am a same sex couple."

O....M....G....

Seriously, I had to restrain myself from jumping up and hugging him, but I know I had a huge goofy grin on my face. I felt like this was a way better response than I could have ever hoped for. How amazing is Dr. B, for sharing that with me when he didn't have to?! And how awesome is it that I know my IP's don't have to worry about being treated differently because of who they fell in love with?!

This amazing piece of information almost made me forget all about my traumatic IUD experience.

Almost.

Next Step!

Yesterday, Jeni from Circle Surrogacy (my agency) emailed me to let me know that she had just received "a TON" of medical records via fax! She said once the IVF doctor reviews these records (from my pregnancies/deliveries) and approves me for surrogacy, then I am officially done with the "pre-screening" process. Well......

Today my records were approved by the IVF doctor!

This was me, upon hearing this news....

Seriously, this show never gets old!

Also, I felt like I was going to puke. Gotta love nerves. ;)

Getting through pre-screening means I am now all set for social worker screening! The social worker will help to determine if my husband and I are emotionally and mentally prepared to embark on a surrogacy journey. We will have a phone interview with a social worker from Circle that will last approximately 2 hours. It will be a chance for the agency to learn more about my motivations for being a surrogate, my relationships with friends and family, and my interests and personality. The social worker will also talk to my hubby to make sure he is supportive and on board with the surrogacy (the agency requires their surrogates to have the full support of their spouse or partner).

The questions asked on the initial questionnaire were answered in a little more detail during the application process, but in our conversation with the social worker, these questions will be addressed again, more in depth than before. These are questions relating to what I'm looking for in a surrogacy journey, which types of Intended Parents (IP's) I'm comfortable working with, and the really tough topics like pregnancy termination and selective reduction. Discussing these topics will help the agency find IP's whose preferences/views are the same as mine, so that we can be a perfect match for this journey together!

Not sure how quickly all of this will take place, but I've heard surrogacy is a "Hurry Up and Wait" sort of deal. :) Something that IS happening soon though is getting clearance from my OB! I have an appointment this Friday to discuss my surrogacy plans with him, have him sign my OB Clearance letter, and have my IUD removed so I can have a snuggly place for a surro-babe in the next few months!